Time for Change
It's time for change. The blowjob bumper sticker had a good run on the Stratus, but it's become a little tiresome. I'm also getting sick of people asking "where did you get that?" (my sister bought it in NYC, but you can buy them here), or assuming I'm politically affiliated with the DNC (I'm not).
I'm going old school, taking it back to the days before the Stratus. I'm currently on the hunt for a white deftones sticker just like the one I had on my old Avenger. I tried the malls to no avail, so if anyone spots one, please let me know.
Eventually, I'd like to make room for some bumper stickers in the making. My friend Troy and I have hatched an idea that may surpass the brilliant Morning After greeting card line that Rex and I were working on. The new idea is to twist up boring political issues bumper stickers, making them totally obnoxious and/or offensive. The sticker line is named after the prodigy of the bunch:
"KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF MY SODOMY"
(instead of "KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF MY BODY")
We think that one will be the biggest seller. Some other favorites:
"WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY GET DIVORCED"
("WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY")
"ONE MAN, TWO WOMEN"
("ONE MAN, ONE WOMAN")
"PRO CHILD PRO GUN"
(PRO CHILD PRO CHOICE")
Troy really likes "START SEEING PORN" ("START SEEING MOTORCYCLES"), but I'm still not convinced of the saleability of that one.
This reminds me of the editing problems we had when we did the story on your business. That damn bumper sticker was in almost all of our car shots, as we followed you around town. I'm in favor of magnetic non-sticker-stickers. Then you can take them off when you get on TV!
Posted by: Jason | July 21, 2006 at 01:49 PM
GOD IS MY DESIGNATED DRIVER
Posted by: Bexley | July 21, 2006 at 06:13 PM
I, too, am all in favor of the magnetic bumper stickers, especially in this case!
Posted by: MOM | July 22, 2006 at 08:15 AM
Did someone say Avenger? Aren't you in another Dodge product now? Can you just see DeRusha one of those new Chargers, sporting a suit.
Posted by: taulpaul | July 22, 2006 at 12:07 PM
Oh, you should look into using electroluminescence in the bumper magnets.
Posted by: taulpaul | July 22, 2006 at 12:16 PM
Genius, Bexley.
Posted by: Alexis | July 22, 2006 at 07:06 PM
SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG DILDO
A KINDER, GENTLER BUKKAKE
ASK NOT WHAT YOUR MISTRESS CAN DO FOR YOU...
IT'S THE OTHER HOLE, STUPID
Posted by: Rex | July 22, 2006 at 07:52 PM
Why's it always gotta be about sex with you?
Posted by: Alexis | July 22, 2006 at 08:01 PM
FOUR SORES AND SEVEN DEARS AGO
WHAT HATH TROJAN WROUGHT
SOILED SHORTS IS KINKY
Posted by: taulpaul | July 22, 2006 at 08:58 PM
The sticker on the window of my car says, "Supporter of the Minneapolis Police Union".
Posted by: Taylor | July 22, 2006 at 10:37 PM
I like the "START SEEING PORN". I would never slap that on my bumper but I betcha someone would.
Posted by: black java | July 23, 2006 at 05:36 PM
"My Other Ride is Alexis' Mom"
Posted by: geoff | July 23, 2006 at 09:48 PM
Oh, NO, he didn't!
Posted by: Marchelle | July 23, 2006 at 10:20 PM
I thought that "My Other Ride is A Lexis" was a bit more creative, but wouldn't provoke nearly the same response.
Posted by: geoff | July 24, 2006 at 09:06 AM
A guy I work with suggested adding a yellow diagonal stripe to one of those "=" bumper stickers to turn it in to a "not equal" sign. I'm pro-gay marriage, but I gotta admit that's pretty funny.
How about:
THINK GLOBALLY ACT CHILDISHLY
GAS, GRASS, OR ASS: SOME STAINS ARE HARD TO GET OUT
FREE TIBET WITH PURCHASE
GOD BLESS THE WHOLE WORLD. EXCEPT NEW ZEALAND, THOSE CUNTS.
IT WILL BE A GREAT DAY WHEN OUR SCHOOLS GET ALL THE MONEY THEY NEED TO BUY A BOMBER.
Posted by: Dave | July 25, 2006 at 03:16 PM
Look out, Dave's on a roll!
Posted by: Alexis | July 25, 2006 at 06:38 PM
Here's my steaming pile of mediocrity:
Jesus is coming, open wide!
My Karma ran over your Grandma.
COME THE RAPTURE
Can I have your wife?
IF YOU'RE NOT OUTRAGED, THEN YOU'RE PROBABLY ON QUALUDES AS WELL. HIGH FIVE.
IF YOU CAN'T TRUST ME WITH A CHOICE, HOW CAN YOU TRUST ME WITH A COAT HANGER?
and along the same lines Dave was thinking, instead of an equal sign, how about a greater-than (>) sign?
Posted by: Nick | July 25, 2006 at 08:06 PM
More fantastic suggestions!
Too bad you suckers aren't getting any royalties.
Posted by: Alexis | July 26, 2006 at 07:53 PM
Pfft. If you want them, they are yours for the taking, Alexis.
Throw a "FREE TIBET WITH PURCHASE" sticker my way if you actually get around to printing them, and we'll call it even.
Take me out drinking some night, and I'd consider myself very well-compensated.
Posted by: Dave | July 27, 2006 at 12:48 PM
I know who took it! I was at Whole Foods one day and saw a guy writing with his finger on a guys unwashed car door.
He wrote "inconsiderate", I looked and the car was parked over the painted line.
Only in Minneapolis would you get big words like that! (Your bumper sticker was hilarious)
Posted by: Jim Flynn | April 30, 2008 at 06:00 PM