Crazy Flailing Girl

Imagine, if you will, a girl.

After living in friendly Fridley for the first 6 years of her life, her parents decide to move to scenic North Branch where, you know, the deer and antelope play.  Now imagine that this girl had a shiny new bike just before moving to North Branch, training wheels still attached. 

But due to unforgiving terrain like a dirt-and-grass driveway leading out to an interstate highway, this bike was banished to the garage rafters almost immediately upon arrival in North Branch, out of reach and never to appear again.

Sad, I know.

Now let's fast forward about 25 years to three weeks ago, when this girl--who is me, if you haven't figured it out yet--just happened upon the perfect used bike.  I was really hesitant about buying it; not because of the price (which was great), but because it's literally been two and a half decades since I've even sat on a bicycle.  And that one had training wheels.

But I've been dying to get a bike the last few months.  All my friends have dusted off theirs this year and have been zipping around town and around the state's great bike trails.  So I bought the bike (a Raleigh Venture, dig it) and it's been a mostly fun process.  After two consecutive nights and three cumulative hours of practice in the alley behind and a 4-block radius surrounding my house, I think I finally got the hang of this thing.  Cars still freak the s**t out of me; I literally seize up and have to pull over to the sidewalk immediately, so I've mostly been riding at night only around my house.

Except last week, I took my bike over to my cousin's apartment, which is two blocks from the Midtown Greenway.  We didn't bike far (I'm not very fast yet, as you can imagine) and only spent about 45 minutes on the trail.  The people traffic was a little overwhelming and I had to endure a few more snickers than I was expecting.  Yeah, it's probably funny to see a crazy flailing 30-year-old on her bike with less proficiency than her 5-year-old nephew on his bike, but come on.  Be nice.

I figured that all the hyper pro-bike people would be a little more supportive of another troop trying to join their army, but I guess I was wrong.  Maybe I should try some other trails.  Perhaps the patrons of Columbia Park will be more forgiving.

If anyone else is hopping back on the two-wheel train after a decades-long hiatus, you should definitely contact me.  Perhaps we can start a club of crazy flailing people who are apparently not cool enough to ride on the big kid trails.

Comments

[Chet K.]

If a person is ever going to embed a youtube video into thier personal blog, this would have been the post to do it. 30 year olds who can't ride bikes (very well) are as rare, and funny, as hairless cats.

Also, thanks for the link to the Midtown Greenway site. I'd been looking for more information about it, but for some reason never came across that site.

I hope you're enjoying your new bike, and don't let the bastards get you down. (if they do get you down, at least go down kicking)

[Leif]

25 years since you were last on a bike – sweet Jesus, you must have epic saddle soreness. I walk funny for a few days each spring. I don't even wanna know.

[Andrea]

I am shopping for a bike, too. It's been at least 10, probably 15 years since I've ridden. We should totally take a flailing trip together sometime.

[Ironic]

I haven't ridden a bike since I crashed in the jungle and then almost went off a bridge during my honeymoon.
I almost miss it...then I think of Calvin and Hobbes.

[Bexley]

I am going to buy one this weekend. I've been borrowing one for the past few weeks. It seems to be the only form of exercise I don't give up on after ten minutes. Not exactly the most intense workout, but the alternative is that I do nothing.

Though, I hereby duly swear to never ever use it for anything other than recreational use, and never ever ever as a replacement for an automobile. I have to have some standards.

[Conner]

Hey, good luck getting the hang of riding. I think it's great that you had the confidence to try this, I was almost hesitant to try biking again after 12 years of not riding, and I actually rode a bike without training wheels before then :). Don't let the snickers dissuade you, biking has become my personal stress reliever/exercise of choice over the last 3 years.

[Marchelle]

You've just described me, only on Rollerblades. Also, well... walking.

[MOM]

CONGRATULATIONS ON FINALLY GETTING RID OF THE TRAINING WHEELS!!!
Love, Mom

[hanson]

Once I rode Ragbrai. That was 20 years ago. I bought a bike this summer too. And Flailing... ooh there's flailing, I even seize up on Nokomis when children go wizzing by me. My friends insist I put on a helmet. Thus far, I'm helmet free, however, anymore mileage on the "bike lane" on Hennepin (which literally keeps you a mere centimeter from certain death) I just might haul off and wear the damn thing. The last adventure I went on, a guy stopped in the middle of the intersection and yelled "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" I'm like, doy, i'm quite obviously executing a well-honed left turn signal Fuckchode!! Helmet or handgun, either way... I'll end up with one or the other

[Kristen]

Congrats on the new bike. And to hell with anybody who is unwelcoming to a new bicyclist!

[Kate]

Oh man, I am glad you posted this. I bought a bike a month ago and haven't ridden it yet because of the sheer terror of getting hit by a car/wobbliness. I haven't ridden in about 15 years but I too think it's about time.

You're brave! Good work!

[Alexis]

Well I think we should start that club then, ladies! Evenings, weekends, what works for everyone?

Hanson, you are my hero for braving street traffic; I cringe at the thought of biking 7 blocks to my kickball games.

[Katie Johnson]

Well add me to the club then. I'm 37 and just got a bike last year for the first time in 20 years. I used to be an AWESOME bike rider. No hands, tricks and all the cool stuff we did as kids. Now, I'm terrified to take just one hand off the handlebars, and I'm even MORE afraid that I am going to tip over and make a huge embarrassment of myself. But, it gets easier with each little ride. I'm lucky in that I live in a small town in WI with friendly sidewalks to ride on.

Good luck to you!

[iz]

Congrats! It is a brave path you have chosen.

I was terrified of cars when I started riding in the city 20 years ago. Even the bike path in Chicago was scary with peds, runners, bladers and bikes all on the same two-way path. The first ride was being a Star Wars fighter pilot. It's highly possible you'll get more comfortable, just give it time and recognize they don't want any part of you either.

[Tara]

It will be easy in no time. Keep it up, and I'll keep rooting for you. ^_^

[christine]

What a hilarious post! I doubt you are as bad a biker as you describe, but even if you are, you will get better in no time. I don't understand why experienced bikers feel the need to criticize newer ones. Like everything else, it's the one mean person that seems to stand out amongst all the nice ones. There are a lot of people out there who support you, don't you fret.

[Matthew Hegge]

Being a bit of a bike racer (albeit semi-retired but emerging from retirement soon [triathlons]), I can tell you that as good of biker as I am sure you will become, car drivers will still be rude and basically, ass-wipes, no matter what. Bikers have to develop a thick skin. Congrats on the eco-friendly transport and part of the HUGE bike population in Nordeast!

[Bexley]

Being a bit of a professional driver (albeit retired), I can tell you that as good of a driver as I am sure you will become, bike riders will still be rude and basically, ass-wipes, no matter what. Drivers have to develop a thick skin.

[Crystal]

Long time reader, been away for awhile, but I just have to tell you that you are not alone.

My friend in high school never learned how to ride a bike. Something about a traumatic experience with one as a kid, or something about her parents protecting her.

She started riding a bike at 27 years old. But not just any kind of bike - she rides a TRICYCLE.

Seriously. Totally true story.

So the fact that you are riding a bike is a really big deal.
I'm proud of you.

- Crystal

[Alexis]

Aw, thanks! It wasn't so hard. The bike is now on an indoor trainer in my living room so I can keep "riding" this winter.