Behold, the first ever Girl Friday repost. By request, my 2006 Valentine's Day Reader Mailbag:
Dear Girl Friday,
I'm at a loss: my girlfriend is a holiday / special occasion fanatic, and I've been having a hard time matching her enthusiasm for certain days of the year. Next up is Valentine's Day, which I'll admit I totally dropped the ball on last year. I have issues already because I feel like it's such a manufactured holiday, but this year I need to come through -- I'm not talking gifts or candy, I'm trying to come up with something fun we can go out and do. Maybe a nice meal, a fun show, or...? What's the hot (non-contrived) tip for a young couple who both work way too much and probably need some one-on-on time out on the town? Help me, Girl Friday. You're my only hope.
Baby, baby. I feel your pain.
I am most certainly not a fan of Valentine's Day, despite being a highly romantic girl. Sure I drink like a fish and swear like a sailor. Sure I write smutty stories in my spare time and watch porn like most people watch the evening news. But really, I'm a huge sucker for the everyday cheese. Nothing gets my waterworks going like a sappy chick flick (which I'll only watch in the privacy of my own home) or an unexpected bouquet of flowers (which, to date, I've only ever received from Molly). I really do live for the sentimental stuff.
So, my dear, how long have you been with your girlfriend? And would she be hysterically upset if you didn't plan anything "special" for Valentine's Day? A holiday which you clearly believe is contrived and are opposed to celebrating in the first place? Maybe I'm overstepping my concierge bounds here and delving into the realm of relationship advice columnist, but I might persuade you to come clean with your mate in hopes that she cuts you a little slack. You're obviously stressed out about it, and, in my opinion, you shouldn't be.
But. To help you out, I'm going to throw out a few suggestions. Let's just say that if you were my boyfriend, and we were to have an ideally romantic February 14th 2006, it might include some of the following highlights:
- Meet me for lunch. It would be a much appreciated break in my day. Nothing too everyday; maybe something ethnic. Someplace we've been meaning to try, but just haven't gotten around to it yet. (Also, reservations for dinner at my favorite spots in town are as tough to get on VD as they are on New Year's Eve, so if you haven't made them by now, you're f**ked.)
- Come over after work. Come bearing a liquor store gift that I wouldn't normally indulge in for myself; a nice pinot noir, a bottle of Dalwhinnie, a 750 of Grey Goose, whatever. Then try to arrive at my apartment at the same time I do, so you can fix me a drink and keep me away from the computer. As much as I'll resist, a night off will be good for me. And tell me that, say, "a night off will be good for you."
- Get me halfway drunk, but still sober enough to want food. Pop in a ST: TNG disc while you go make something for us to eat from whatever I have in my kitchen. And don't yell to me in the living room for help; if you're completely helpless in the culinary arena, then pick up a par-baked cheese pizza from Fat Lorenzo's and throw it in the oven once I'm decently buzzed. I also recommend you get at least 4 chocolate cupcakes for us to share over the course of the evening.
- Once we've sobered up after eating pizza and cupcakes, then gotten sufficiently drunk again on digestifs, take me to a rock show. The more rockin', the better. This will probably be "Not Your Mother's Valentine's Day" at The Turf Club, featuring Sic Bay, Half Fiction, Rat Salad, and Tight Pants*. At some point in the evening, kiss me unabashedly in the middle of the crowd. Tell me you love me. Tell me it's time to go home, and help me put on my coat.
- Drive my drunk ass home. Stay the night. Snuggle with me in bed, kiss my face and my forehead, play with my hair, and tell me how much fun you had tonight. Do this until I fall asleep.
- Call in sick to work the next morning. Refill my water glass on the nightstand. Initiate some serious sex. Do not leave my bed for hours; not until the severe pangs of hunger or the crippling dizziness of fatigue have stricken your body useless.
See? Easy as pie. Alright, I admit, it's not quite what you were asking for. But maybe it's just what she wants. It's what I'd want, anyway, and I like to think I'm a pretty normal girl for the most part.
So best of luck to you, and please do report back. I wouldn't be surprised if you fielded a marriage proposal after a night like that. If not, you know where to find me.
*[That was last year. This year's recommended shows are G Love & Special Sauce at First Ave, Dan Wilson at the Cedar Cultural Center, and New Congress at Babalu. Check the events calendar on vita.mn for other stuff that might tickle your fancy.]